Afflictive states and benefit

Dearest Candice,

I am not in the mood for bullshit any longer. I am not in the mood for any dillydallying around. I am not in the mood for putting up with the way things are, the way they have been. I am not in the mood for complacency. I am not in the mood for accepting the consensus that a society built on lack and pathology is ok or that it is ok to continue to put up with that and even contribute to it.

If anything is my most afflictive point of view, right now, it is this. It is the wrath and fire that I feel, complete rage actually. And the recognition that I cannot scream and shout to make people come out of a corner they are in in the first place simply because they are afraid. It is wanting to shout, and knowing that that won’t help. This is my most afflictive state, and it is also the fire of my determination and the fury of my love.

I know the solution. I see that in skylike clarity this intense rage in me causes no tension. I see that it instead is expressed in potently direct speech, body, mind, qualities and activities. The ‘afflictive’ state generously pours out mountain-like stability, confidence and energy to do what needs to be done. It points me squarely to my capacity to serve unwaveringly myself without dragging anyone along. It unequivocally directs me to the reality that I can only take responsibility for my points of view, and that I am absolutely capable of making a direct, clear statement of ‘only clarity’ in all of my relationships and leadership roles.

This life is my responsibility. This is my carefree, playful life of relaxed clarity. My life. Choosing what I want. Nothing else.

I look at all the afflictive states I have experienced over the last three years and I see they have each fueled this fire in me. Even when I did not feel like they were giving me anything but pain. Even when I felt I would have given anything – even my life- to rid myself of the grief, the sorrow, the loss, the black, black depression, the failure, the unworthiness, the arrogance, the pride, the fear, the sense of imprisonment by my work, the fear of rejection if I put a foot out of line, the need to do it right, the physical pain, the heartbreak, the overwhelming desire and heartbreaking love for another. So many of these states, unpredicatably appearing, taking over and going wild in me. Each time I have relied on the solid Four Mainstays and, with their total support the unending haven of their unconditional clarity and love, often immediately and sometimes not so immediately the fan of these seemingly ever circling points of view as spun out leaving confidence in their wake.

Now the fan can – and does - spin as much as it likes. I welcome my button pushers. Facing everything, avoiding nothing. I know so deeply that my afflictive states are giving generously to me again and again the opportunity to see things how they really are. They are evidence of my indestructibility. And, when this is hard to see I know where to turn. My trustworthy teachers, my indestructible community, the teaching, and to the instinctive recognition of naturally present clarity. The rugged Four Mainstays uniting us all in great mutuality of only support, only love.

It is incredible how this reality of how things are is being made obvious to us all. We are being given the opportunity to let ourselves go wild, to let the covers be pulled, to give up trying to be someone or to have a life that looks like anything at all. In accepting this invitation we free ourselves from all ideas whatsoever. We stay with exactly what we are – a single, simple, unbounded moment - and we acknowledge ourselves. We set free the clarity potency in every single point of view.

All at once, seamlessly. Wild clarity is wild benefit, wild benefit is wild clarity.

Right now every element of my being is resonating with a lionhearted roar and with the power of wild, wild oceans.

With all my love and life,

Katherine